A couple of months ago my best friend, lets call her Janie, and I made the move from small town living to big city life, somehow we’ve managed to fall into a way of life that is simultaneously retardedly awesome, and boring as fuck. Let me lay it out for you.
Since April Janie and I have gone out to experience Vancouver night life exactly twice. We’re not entirely sure if we’re home-bodies because we have no money, or if that’s just our excuse to avoid unnecessary human interaction.
We also happen to be far too cheap to pay for cable. So when any of our four friends ask us how we spend our time, the only real pastimes we can site is streaming seasons of ‘Community’ and ‘True Blood’, and perfecting our Mario Kart trash talk. This makes us sound like some boring ass individuals to anyone who doesn’t live with us
But we’re both semi-creative penny-pinchers who when together have the sense of humor of the cast of Workaholics (We’re still looking for our Ders if anyone is interested). These shared attributes have lend to many strange, wonderful, and altogether childish DIY projects and activities such as:
1. Castle Morrigan: This great monument was constructed upon our second day in our new apartment. Unsure of what to do with all our packing supplies this seemed the best option. Castle Cardboard held strong in our living room nearly two weeks before it was demolished in the great battle of ‘New Couch’.
3. Penis Men Figurines: One night while company was over Janie broke out her model magic clay and someone accused me of sculpting a penis when I was clearly fashioning a snail. Out of spite I made a penis complete with a smile and bow tie (he’s a classy cock), and well, one thing led to another…
4. Richard: Here’s where the pattern starts to form people. Richard is a hand sewn pillow that serves as a cuddle buddy to any of our overnight guests. I will vouch for him that he is EXTREMELY comfortable and a skilled spooner.
5. Our House Sigil: The Mongoose, adorable and undeniably badass.
6. Joining the Resistance Against the Death Eaters: Yes, Voldy’s pin does read ‘Weasley is our King!’
7. Also, Weapons Fashioned From Toothpicks and Candle Wax: Nothing else to say.
Looking back on all this, I don’t know if I should describe my home life as amazing or pathetic, but what I do know is that at this rate my apartment will be filled with dicks in another couple months.