There are 31 days left until the season four premiere of Game of Thrones and I along with millions of others are eagerly anticipating the return of what may be one of the best series of all time.
Unfortunately for me the only person in my life who understands the significance of the fourth coming of Westeros is my mother. Somehow I’ve managed to surround myself with people who choose to ignore top quality television. Where did I go wrong?
The worse offender of this gross neglect has to be my roommate who somehow has managed to live with me without once experiencing the sheer brilliance of HBO’s envisioning of George R. R. Martin’s best selling series.
She always seems to have an excuse not to watch Game of Thrones. A few months ago it was “I still have to catch up on The Walking Dead and Face Off. I don’t have time to start a new show”, since then she’s started watching both Dexter and Teen Wolf. TEEN WOLF! She’ll binge watch Teen Wolf but wont even watch the pilot for Game of Thrones. Sometimes it’s hard being her friend.
I can no longer sit back and watch this injustice. Drastic measures must be taken to ensure she’s ready for season four and with only a month left to catch up on three seasons of plot twists, betrayal, and an endless stream of characters I see no other way to go about this than to publicly shame her on the internet. This post is dedicated to my dear roommate Janie. Bitch, get your shit together.
I’ve complied a SPOILER FREE list of reasons why everyone should be watching Game of Thrones in hopes of converting the non-watchers and helping them see the light. I pass this list off to you darling readers in hopes that you too can help those you love see the error of their ways.
1. It’s A Fantasy with Appeal For Fantasy Haters.
The cool thing about Game of Thrones is that it is definately a fantasy series, it takes place in a fictional world of kings and knights and dragons but for non-fantasy fans it’s a period, political thriller. The main focus of the show is character dynamics, power scheming and war. Yes this is a world with magic, but you’re slowly introduced to this element so as not to overwhelm. It’s kind of a happy medium between Lord of the Rings and the Tudors.
2. Disgusting Yet Satisfying Violence
What could you want more out of entertainment than some good old fashioned violence? Game of Thrones has plenty and they definitely aren’t afraid of showing it in all it’s gory glory.
With sword fights, beheadings, woman beatings, mutilations, direwolves and barbarians alike ripping throats out. You’ve got all the makings of a hit show.
3. Fast Pace and Mind Blowing Plot Twists
Unlike some shows I can mention (The Walking Dead), you’ll never watch the closing credits start to roll and be filled with that terrible feeling of “That’s it? Nothing even fucking happened!”. Game of Thrones has so much going on at any given time you’ll never be lulled to sleep by 20min long going no where conversations.
Then there’s the damn plot twists, some you never see coming, and some you really should have seen coming but you were to wrapped up in your hope that something on this show wouldn’t turn to shit for Sean Bean and his family… They probably average in at 1.7 WTF plot twists per episode. No show mind fucks you harder than Game of Thrones but trust me, you’ll like it.
4. A Dash of Romance
Where there’s sex there’s bound to be some romance and in this case we’re talking epic, medieval-esque, fantasy romance. You have Romeo and Juliet style star crossed lovers, and Jane Austen like social standing defying affairs what more do you sentimental gigglers want? It might not be as prominent as the touchy feely stuff on Teen Wolf but it’s there and it’s followed up by actual sex because it’s HBO and they do what they want. This brings us to the next point…
5. Ridiculous Amounts of Sex And Nudity
Game of Thrones is an HBO show, that means you’re guaranteed one thing no matter what the subject matter may be. That thing is tits. Lots and lots of tits. All in all this is a series with a lot of nudity sprinkled with graphic sex scenes for good measure. It’s very rare that you make it through a whole episode without some chick getting naked and people boning.
For those who are worried about not getting your fill of male nudity, I’m happy to inform you that season 3 saw a drastic increase in the amount of male booty so hopes for season four are high. Who knows? We may even get some full frontal from a guy who’s penis you’d actually like to see.
6. A Surplus of Badass Characters
One thing Game of Thrones has no shortage of is kick ass characters to root for. To name a few you’ve got the honourable Ned Stark and his vengeful daughter Arya who refuses to be limited by her status as a girl, Daenerys Mother of Dragons and her Dothraki warrior king husband, and lovable outcasts Brienne the female knight and Night’s Watch recruit Jon Snow.
7. Peter Fucking Dinklage
I don’t think there’s a character more universally beloved than Peter Dinklage’s Tyrion Lannister. He’s smart, funny, endearing, and he straight up doesn’t give a shit what you think. No words I have would do this great half man justice, you have to watch to understand.
Fans of plenty of series have threatened to riot over character deaths but if Game Of Thrones offs Tyrion there might actually be one.
8. Bringing People Together through Mutual Hatred
Just like EVERYONE loves Tyrion Lannister EVERYONE hates Joeffrey Baratheon. You might support opposing political parties, you might feel very different about legalizing pot, or you might have different opinions on Ben Affleck as Batman. None of that matters when watching Game of Thrones. You’re both hoping for someone to kill that saddistic, inbred little prick Joeffrey and you hope it’s slowly.
One day soon the world’s loathing of Joeffrey Baratheon will bring peace to all nations because nothing brings people together like wishing death on a child.
9. Fucking Dragons
The show has fucking dragons damn it! What else do you need? It’s a series with enough budget for some really decent looking dragons. That is quality programming if I’ve ever seen it.
10. So You’ll Be Able To Follow the Internet this Spring
The Internet loves Game of Thrones and come April it will once again be flooded with memes, forums and spoilers. Unless you want to be confused and ostracized from the internet conversation for the next few months I suggest you get on board.
I’m sure you’re already aware of some of the bigger plot twist on the show thanks to the over pour of fan outrage and affection over the course of the last three seasons and if you plan to watch this show ever you better start watching ASAP
And if none of that appeals to you… there are some really cute puppies in the pilot.