3 Role Models Spreading Worse Messages Than Miley Cyrus

miley-cyrus

A couple nights ago I was at work when a woman in her 40s approached me. She’d taken notice of the tabloids and surprise, surprise Miley Cyrus was front in centre.

“I don’t like her. I used to when she was Hannah Montana. She was a good role model for young girls but now look at her. She’s loose.”

Normally, I don’t give two shits what people have to say about celebrities. I’ll judge musicians based on the merit of the work they’re selling rather than their personal choices. I don’t know these people, whatever they choose to do is none of my business.

However, this comment bothered me. It’s not that I’m a Miley fan. I’m not. I wasn’t when she was Hannah Montana and I’m not now. I do however have more respect for her now than when I was a teenager. I’m the same age as her and through my teens she represented the mainstream ideal of what the adults in my life thought I should be and me, being the anti-conformist I was, I hated her. Now she’s a woman in her early twenties embracing her new found freedom and looking to have some fun. I know those feels.

These kinds of feels towards hammers not so much.
Towards hammers not so much…

Back then she was a product being sold by Disney. Now she’s a young woman selling her own image. She’s clearly a savvy business woman. She knows that these antics get her attention and that’s a big factor in why she does them. As a result she’s the most searched and most watched artist right now with what was one of the biggest albums of 2013.

“Well, I don’t really think it’s fair to hold someone to the same standards as when they were 13. People change.”

The customer shrugged me off, not really caring about what I had to say but the small interaction got me thinking.

Cyrus had been getting a lot of shit lately for being a “bad role model” for young girls that I don’t think is entirely fair. She’s a pop star. If your daughter needs a role model than there are better places to look than pop music.

Yeah she did a lot for women's liberation but Rhianna would never be caught wearing those glasses/
“She did a lot for women’s liberation and all, but Rhianna would never be caught wearing those glasses.”

Miley shouldn’t be forced to remain a static figure for anyones sake. And the attacks on her sexualized performances are exactly what’s wrong in our society in regards to how we view women. There’s a difference between being exploited and embracing your sexuality. In a way I kind of find her, admitably bat shit crazy, displays refreshing. She’s not selling sex appeal and unattainable glamour. She’s not being traditionally sexy, she’s being sexy and silly all at the same time and she’s having fun doing it. That’s a positive example for other girls in it’s own right.

There are however other pop stars who are widely regarded as positive role models for young girls. Some of them are entirely founded, other’s are questionable at best. Here are 3  pop star “good” role models with worse messages than Miley Cyrus.

3. Katy Perry Is Drunken Hypocrite.

It wasn’t my first instinct to include Katy Perry because I didn’t know she was considered a good role model. However a couple searches on Google proved that for many young women and parents she is. Many people on the internet site her as an inspiration and apparently her concerts have a huge turn out for girls between 9 and 17. How is she an inspiration? Let’s have her tell you in her own words from an interview with NPR:

“But, you know, it’s funny. I do see myself becoming this, whatever, inspiration out of default right now, ’cause it’s such a strange world. Like females in pop – everybody’s getting naked.”

Because she always has her cloths on.
Because she’s never taken her clothes off to make money.

She goes on and acknowledges her hypocrisy through her rambling back tracking. She doesn’t want to see everyone in revealing clothing all the time. But she’s not judging.

“I mean, I’ve been naked before but I don’t feel like I have to always get naked to be noticed. […] I mean, it’s like everybody’s so naked. It’s like put it away. We know you’ve got it. I got it too. I’ve taken it off for – I’ve taken it out here and there. And I’m not necessarily judging”

But she's not judging.
That means so much coming from a woman who’s wardrobe is 80% painted on especially when she explains herself in such an articulate fashion.

She seems like a light hearted optimist with a christian background but she too is draped in sexuality, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but she obviously lacks some self awareness if she doesn’t realize her tits are popping twenty-four-seven. Saying things like “put it away” and “taken it out” referencing sexuality makes it seem like she sees it as a tool more than a natural aspect of being human that she embraces. A tool that she uses to sell records and to keep male attention.

Sure, songs like Roar have a positive message in spite of some very obnoxious auto-tuning but a lot of her songs not so much. There’s nothing wrong with a little partying but based on her lyrics Perry has a special love for getting smashed and getting it on, for instance:

Teenage Dream 
Let’s go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love

Which is all well and good until you hit this line.

We drove to Cali and got drunk on the beach

Yep, Perry’s first time having sex with her boyfriend was drunk.

Waking Up In Vegas
You gotta help me out
It’s all a blur last night
We need a taxi ’cause you’re hung-over and I’m broke
I lost my fake ID but you lost the motel key

Perry lost her shit in Vegas, got wasted, spent all her money and may have been underaged…

Last Friday Night
There’s a stranger in my bed,
There’s a pounding in my head
Glitter all over the room
Pink flamingos in the pool
I smell like a minibar

Right off the bat, Perry just had a drunken one night stand.

jjj
You’d think she’d be more concerned, but no.

Pictures of last night
Ended up online
I’m screwed
Oh well
It’s a blacked out blur
But I’m pretty sure it ruled
Damn

That verse is the song’s message kids. You’re gonna get drunk, do stupid regrettable shit, and it will inevitably end up online for everyone to see forever, but that’s ok because it was a good party.

Honestly, it just gets worse. Here’s the song with lyrics to check out for yourself.

2. Taylor Swift is Slut Shaming Gender Traitor

I admit, I have an embarrassing amount of T-Swift on my i-pod. When I put that shit on shuffle with company over I always have to scurry over and switch to the next song before anyone realizes what it was. Don’t judge me.

I went through a phase and I’m not entirely out of it. I think she’s a talented musician and a lot of her songs are highly relatable for a girl in my demographic so suck it.

That being said I know how she’s flawed. I know this because I listen to her music. For the record this has nothing to do with her writing songs about ex-boyfriends. You write what you know and what she knows is she goes through a lot of suitors which is all within her rights to do without judgement.

I’m talking about her attitude towards other women. Swift adopted the all american girl next door image from the get go and she’s maintained it. For some reason she also feels it’s ok to take shots at other girls who don’t fit such a squeaky clean image.

You Belong With Me
She wears short skirts
I wear T-shirts
She’s cheer captain
And I’m on the bleachers

Apparently not wearing revealing cloths makes you a better girlfriend and a better person. Also high heels are slutty as mentioned in another verse.

So you're "waiting at his 'back door'" but SHE'S the slut?
So let me get this straight. You’re “waiting at his ‘back door'” but she’s the slut?

Better than Revenge
The story starts when it was hot and it was summer and…
I had it all, I had him right there where I wanted him
She came along, got him alone and let’s hear the applause
She took him faster than you could say “sabotage”

First of all she’s blaming the girl for her man jumping ship. Stealing another girls man or crush isn’t cool but if she was able to take him “faster than you can say ‘sabotage'” than he clearly didn’t put up much of a fight. This may be his fault too. Just saying.

She’s not a saint
And she’s not what you think
She’s an actress, whoa
She’s better known
For the things that she does
On the mattress, whoa
Soon she’s gonna find
Stealing other people’s toys
On the playground won’t
Make you many friends

See right there! She’s saying all this other woman has to offer is what’s between her legs as if she’s not a person with thoughts, ideas, and feelings. Being sexually active doesn’t diminish your worth as a human being or woman Taylor. You don’t get better dowries for virgins in the western world.

These days the biggest goats go to the girls with the most experience.
These days the biggest goats go to the girls with the most experience.

The “toys” also implies she finds the girl childish. That or she sees men as property. Say it with me! MISANDRY!

A lot of music videos revolve around this concept of “the other woman” and the other girl is always more sexualized than Swift. The boy she likes’s girlfriend in You Belong with Me, Random chick feeling up her boyfriend in We Are Never Getting Back Together, the more interesting and alternative looking girl in Picture to Burn. It’s a disturbing pattern of slutty brunettes.

Hero.
Virginal, blonde hero.
Skanky villian.
Skanky, brunette villian.

Even when she’s not calling girls down and demonizing them for having sex she’s making girls think that by having intercourse you’re making the biggest mistake of your life.

Fifteen
Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday
But I realized some bigger dreams of mine
And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind
And we both cried

She does realize that non-virgins can do everything a virgin can do right? Seriously. You don’t even have to be a virgin to be a nun. In no way is her friend loosing her virginity to an asshole going to effect her in the long run. It sucks but she’ll get over it. You’re mind is worth more than your hymen girls!

1. Selena Gomez is Willing to Sacrifice Self Respect For A Boy

Until recently, I had no issue with her, mainly because I didn’t give her much thought at all. Now I hear “Come And Get it” everywhere I go and right now no song pisses me off more.

I wonder how India feels about it...
I wonder how India feels about it…

The whole concept of “When you’re ready come and get it” is so flawed and such a terrible message for young girls my blood literally boils. There are lots of stupid songs that make feminists roll their eyes but this one in particular gets under my skin. It wouldn’t be such an issue if Gomez wasn’t an artist primarily marketed at young girls and if she didn’t see herself as such a role model.

“I am human, I’m not perfect, I make mistakes all the time, but I guess my job is to keep those mistakes to myself, which I’m already fine doing and just try to be the best I can be for those kids.”

People make mistakes, fair enough. You can’t expect anyone to be perfect, but I would hope you can expect someone who cares as much about their young fans as Gomez does not to put out a single that says:

You ain’t gotta worry, it’s an open invitation
I’ll be sittin’ right here, real patient
All day, all night, I’ll be waitin’ standby
Can’t stop because I love it, hate the way I love you
All day, all night, maybe I’m addicted for life, no lie.

What did we expect from a woman who's taste in men is "douchebag".
What else did we expect from a woman who’s taste in men can be categorized as “douchebag”?

Because a woman at the head of a media empire with successful music and acting careers has nothing better to do than sit around and wait for her man to sow his wild oats.   Shouldn’t she be sending the message that you shouldn’t put your life on hold for any boy? That you’re independent and can do just fine without him if he wants to fuck around? That by no means should you still be around when he finally decides he’s “ready” to  “come and get it”?

Worst yet the whole song is sung with this come hither kind of sex appeal, We’ve been over sexuality, she should own her sexuality and not feel bad about it. But that’s the thing, she should own it, not whatever guy she’s trying to impress. Submission shouldn’t be passed off as sexy.

Of course there are exceptions to every rule.
Of course there are exceptions to every rule.

Wrecking Ball might not be an anthem of female empowerment but at least it acknowledges the flaws of both parties in the relationship and is meant as a farewell, not an “open invitation” for the guy to get his rocks off whenever he feels like it. I’d rather hear my 7 year old niece singing Wrecking Ball than Come and Get It any day.

6 Superheroes to Boink

Seeing as my roommate and I have absolutely no social interaction beyond each other and whatever assholes we encounter at work we’ve covered a wide range of topics conversationally and needless to say which superheroes would be best in bed has come up more than once. Seeing as the internet is terribly scarce on the topic, at least in regards to what the ladies are looking for I figured I better right this atrocity. Seriously, google ‘sexiest superheroes’ for me right now.  Total Clam bake right?

Now before we dive into it, I would like to clarify that this is a list of Superheroes who’s powers would attribute to the most top notch, mind blowing sexual performances so physical attractiveness, former conquests, and dateability are out of the equation. This is also not a list of superheroes that I would most like to boink. That would be a very different list and would reveal far too much about my questionable taste in men than I would like to share.

I’m gonna be honest here, this task was a little harder than I initially thought especially when you’re looking for a little variation. Turns out most of the coolest superpowers don’t necessarily translate into a sexual advantage, for many it actually leaves them at a disadvantage as most of the coolest powers are weaponized and therefore more likely straight up kill you than bring you to climax, like say Superman or The Hulk.

Or ridiculously premature.
Or they could just finish long before you’ve even gotten started.

But Damn it I did my best! So lets get down to business. Here are the six superheroes who’s superpowers would be most beneficial in the sack and who you should totally bone if ever given the chance.

#6 – MIDNIGHTER

...
When did Batman start wearing a leather duster?

Enhanced Strength, healing and reflexes are AMAZING to have, but mostly he’s included for his powers of Battle Precognition. He is able to predict the outcome of battles before they occur, he runs millions of scenarios over in his head allowing him to get the jump on his opponent by being able to predict their every move. Do you see how this could translate in bed? He can go over nearly endless possibilities on how to get it on leaving no chance for failure to please and knowing exactly how you’ll react before he tries to spring something weird on you.

Plus he's gay, so he's probably be a fantastic listener.
Plus he’s gay, so he’s probably a fantastic listener.

#5 – SPIDERMAN

Dat Ass indeed.
Dat ass indeed.

Why you ask? two words: Ceiling Sex. You could literally do it anywhere on whatever surface you pleased. He also has spidey-senses which potentially could prove useful in the bed. At the most they let him know what to touch and when to touch it. At the least you’ll never get caught mid romp again. He’s Spiderman. He’s quick, he’s agile and he has a pretty healthy sense of humor. That and, you know, ceiling sex. If you’re not convinced upside down sex would be amazing I would like to direct you to exhibit A (Skip to 1:05).

Argument invalid
As if I needed to prepare an exhibit B.

I rest my case.

#4 – ENCHANTRESS

Her most miraculous power is the ability to keep her tits in her costume.
Her most impressive power is the ability to keep her tits from falling out.

What’s this? A broad? Yep, because I’m all about adding a little something for everyone (especially my roommate). Enchantress is a literal goddess. As an Asgardian she has all the typical god stuff, superhuman strength, agility, speed, stamina, durability and looks. She also has enough magical powers to do pretty much whatever the fuck she wants so the possibilities are endless. How did she achieve such power you ask? By seducing other wielders of magic and stealing their secrets so you know she must be good. If her kiss is enough to turn any man into her slave for the next week imagine how great the sex must be.

#3 – STARFOX

Not this guy
Not this guy.                               This Tool.

For those of you unfamiliar Starfox is one of the Eternals which gives him superhuman strength and durability and the ability to control cosmic energy which is all well and good but not why he’s one of the top superheroes to bone. Starfox’s main power is stimulating the pleasure centre of peoples brains. That’s right ladies this is a man who can bring on the ‘O‘ with only his mind. It seems worth noting that sex with Starfox might not always be a conscious decision on your part. His powers of persuasion have led him to court on allegations of sexual assault. Consider him ruphylin in it’s human form.

I give you rupholin personified.
Even The Avengers are hiring former sex offenders these days.

#2 – IRON FIST

...
Martial arts expert: has yellow belt.

I know with a name like Iron Fist it seems a little sketchy but hear me out. He does not in fact have a fist made of iron I promise. If  he did he wouldn’t be #2 because fucking ouch. What he does is he focuses his energy or ‘chi‘ to achieve superhuman physical and mental capabilities which he often uses to punch things really REALLY hard, but whose to say he couldn’t focus his chi to other parts of his anatomy?

That second stream of power? It's actually coming from his dick.
That second stream of power? It’s coming from his dick.

In addition to his Iron Fist Punch he also has powers of hypnotism, mind melding and empathy which means in addition to powering up his penis he can know what you’re thinking, know what you’re feeling, and use illusion to make your fantasies come true.

# 1 – MARTIAN MANHUNTER

fucking boss.
Normally a joke would go here, but on this guy, I’ve got nothing.

Yes, he is green but who really cares! If superheroes were apps J’onn J’onzz would be the whole Android Market. Yes, he too boasts superhuman strength, healing and endurance like half of the superhero population but he’s also got super speed, invisibility, phasing, heat vision, telescopic vision, fucking flying, telekinesis, and almost any other thing you can fucking think of including possessing incredible shapeshifting powers. He can warp, modify, stretch, and enlarge his body in anyway that he so wills.

And he's always stocked up on chocos.
And he’s always stocked up on chocos.

In addition to being a goddamned genius and having more functions than Inspector Gadget, the guy is the most powerful telepath in all of the DC universe. Not only can he read your mind but your subconscious too he would know things about your sexual desires even you didn’t this paired with the power of illusion would be a wet dream come true.

Honourable mentions: Mr. Fantastic, Multiple Man, and Aquaman.

It turns out holding your breath is good for something.
It turns out holding your breath is good for something.